Calling the Old Vic
That’s “call” in both senses of the word - as in “to telephone” and “to say bad things about”.
I live more than 300 miles from London, so when I go to the theatre there, I go as an ordinary audience member, not as a critic. I pay the same ticket prices as anyone else and book in the same way as anyone else.
Today I have been trying to book tickets for Speed-the- Plow at the Old Vic. It was almost a day-long job. I’ve started trying at 11.00 this morning and it’s now 3.10 and I have just got through.
First I thought, “Book online. As the editor of an internet theatre site, you should use online facilities.” So I tried Ticketmaster - well, you have to support your advertisers, don’t you?. Tickets not available for the performances I want. Indeed, it looked like tickets weren’t available, full-stop.
So I phoned the 0870 box office number. Engaged. OK, use ring-back. After half an hour, still no response, so I rang again. Engaged. For the next hour I tried every ten minutes. Always engaged.
So I thought, “Use the Ticketmaster phone number.” I got straight through - well, after listening to countless options for pop concerts. A very helpful lady told me that they have only a very limited ticket allocation for the Old Vic and it has been sold, so I should try the box office. I explained my predicament. “Have you tried the 020 number?” she asks. I didn’t know there was one, so she gave me it.
Wonderful! Perhaps this might be better.
Unfortunately it rang once, then started indicating it was engaged, and then it hung up.
So, back to the 0870 number. On about the tenth try, I got through! Well, I got through to a recording which told me I was being placed in a queue. After a while, a nice pre-recorded gentleman came on to apologise for my being kept waiting but I will be spoken to as quickly as possible. After all, they are, as he said, committed to answering calls as quickly as possible. Well, I waited for ten minutes but it was between 10am and 1pm, which, the voice said, is their busiest time, so I would call back later, as they advised.
I tried - at 1.15, 1.30. 1.45, 2.00 - but no luck: it was engaged. Tried the 020 number - ring once, engaged tone, hang up. Did that at least half a dozen times.
Tried the 0870 at 2.30 - engaged.
Tried at 2.45 - engaged.
Tried at 2.55. Got through! Sat listening to how important my call is and how committed they are to answering my call as quickly as possible for just over ten minutes and finally - finally! - spoke to a real person. Booked my tickets - at £90 for two, plus a transaction fee, plus something else that I’m not sure of because by then I was so tired that I wan’t listening properly and if I’d asked her to repeat, that would have delayed some other poor bugger who’d been trying for hours to get through.
I’ve booked by phone or on the Net for shows at many West End theatres, the National, the RSC and London fringe venues, and have always found it pretty painless, fast and efficient - except at the Old Vic. Always - without fail - the Old Vic takes longer than anywhere else - hours instead of minutes - and I always say I’ll never go there again, but I never remember until I’m actually in the process of trying to make the booking.
I’m going to see The Sea at the Haymarket and booked via Ticketmaster. It took less than five minutes and I downloaded my tickets there and then. Why can’t the Old Vic be as efficient? If they can’t afford the staff to service the number of calls they get, then they should turn over all their ticket sales to a specialist ticketing company. You don’t do your theatre any good by alienating customers by making them wait hours and spend loadsamoney on phone calls.
Come on, Kevin Spacey: you’ve got a damned good programme - now sort out your box office!